on being full of myself ;)

from my almost-a-decade-long exposure to copy writing, proof-reading & editing other people's work, i think i should be able to give trainings on effective business communications ;p

1) ever heard of the term K-I-S-S? Keep It Simple Stupid. yes, do just that. dont be flowery. there's no glory in adding flowers to business letters/proposals/reports/presentations. go be a gardener. or a florist.

2) dont be long winded. theres no law against having a few separate sentences to make a point. too many people think cramming everything into a single sentence that spans 4-5 lines is impressive. it's not.

3) dont assume that your audience is stupid. stop making the same point again & again. over-kill tau. you already kill me, you kill me again. hohumm... boringggg...

4) enough with the quotable quotes already. i can buy my own self-development books or reader's digest or sun tzu's art of war or whatever. quoting famous people too often will make the audience feel like you're a wannabe self-help guru.

5) dont perasan yourself to be great at creating brand-y terms. get feedback. if the feedback is negative, for goodness sake, listen. dont be bullheaded and syok sendiri. note: you'll be surprised just how syok sendiri some people can be.

lots more lessons learnt to impart here but it's time for this wannabe trainer to go to sleep. good night world!!

men should learn to shut it

i'm pregnant & hormonal. dont expect me to be super-chill at this point.

YOU try carrying the extra kilos. & dealing with the hormones. & backaches. & boob aches.

oh wait, you can't cos you're a guy. & so not in a position to comment on this, cos you'll never ever go through it. & the only extra kilos you'd every have to carry has nothing to do with bringing a another life into the world.

men are so blur.

please humor me & just let me be. can or not? yes, even if i feel like going shopping. so what? hows that gonna kill you? also, lets apply some logic to the whole picture ya: i'm pregnant & in my 3rd trimester. just how long do you think i will last walking about in a mall? and do you seriously think i'll want to do it more than once a week, if at all? in any case, so what if i like shopping? i shop for necessities anyways. to feed YOUR child (& you). apa lah...

&, it isn't like you've offered to get the baby's things ready (not that you would know what to get, right??). yet when i want to do it, you want to give me a hard time. please lah, give me a break. it's enough that i have to deal with all the physical discomforts. you want to be a big hero & add on to that summore kah?

so, hello, lets do try to be a bit more patient & understanding & supportive. it really won't kill you. i promise.

and the camel's ass continues to spew bigotry

latest comment in yet another official company meeting:

camel's ass: now i masuk tandas i dah bau kari dah!

what has going to the loo situated on another level got to do with the smells in the loo situated in another level, huh ass? you exaggerate far too much that it is waaaayyyy beyond logic.

those who are sitting with this particular race/nationality of people that you claim to stink of curry dont get any smell pun. so how is it that you, who sit on another level altogether, in a room of your own, can smell curry?

have you ever thought that maybe, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO STINKS?

i wish you were an ant to i could squish you. unfortunately you're a camel (its backside) --too big for me to squish.

i hate bigots

i just came out of a meeting and i am so friggin pissed off at my ex-ceo who is a real shit. here are some things that he said at the close of the meeting (saving the best for last or just being a friggin chicken shit so he can run out of the door as soon as he makes discriminating comments???)

stupid comment no.1

"lets not hire any more indians. i masuk office i dah bau dah..." (wtf... i dont smell anything. no one else complains about any smell either. only he does. and from his past actions/comments, we all know hes got something against indians. mtf.)

stupid comment no.2

"let's do something about female smokers in the company. they shouldnt be smoking in public." (arghhhh!!!! dont you just feel like slapping the back of his head?? maybe if you do it hard enough, the cells responsible for his stupidity will jump out of his mouth. bastard.)

i hope karma comes and kicks you in the balls. i hope you get a daughter-in-law who's indian and smokes. padan muka you. and if you do really get such a daughter-in-law then heres my message to her: put your father-in-law in his place please i.e. in a locked room with the keys thrown far-far-away. he shouldnt be allowed out in public.

i hate stupid racist discriminating bigots --shame on you.

to my ex-ceo, wtf are you still doing here? orang dah tak nak you dah... thats why you're an EX. paham tak?? and from your actions today, we know why lah. so why dont you just leave. just because the new ceo is nice enough to appoint you as an advisor (which doesnt mean jackshit cos its just out of pity and respect for old people --not sure why you deserve ANY respect though), doesnt mean that you should over-stay your welcome.

please dont come in tomorrow, cos if you do, then you'll trouble me with looking for another table to sit at. i dont think i can stomach sitting in front of a bigot the whole day.

stress-pot

at this point i just want to let out a long, big sigh.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

i am mentally & physically exhausted & what i really want is to run away from my world right now. please allow me to rant.

start each of the following with "WHY OH WHY..."

• is my apartment super-duper dusty that even after a day of wiping-vaccuuming-sweeping-moping-sweeping again-washing-clearing up, it gets all dusty again the very next day? i hate the construction activities thats going on around me. i cannot wait to get my maid!
• is the husband's work hours from 12noon to 9pm that hes not around much to help with the housechores on a regular basis? do i look like a maid? i seem to be picking up after everyone in the house. baby or not. i cannot wait to get my maid!
• cant i just get my son after work & go home without my mil's maid giving me a hardtime about it? sukati lah i want to go home ke, jalan-jalan ke... who are YOU to ask me why i want to leave early? i cannot wait to get my maid!
• is my big boss a male chauvinist haji bakhil pig who despite having been "enlightened" of the error of his judjment STILL clings on to his flawed decision? i hope some day YOU will have a female boss who makes pro-female decisions to the men's disadvantage. i cannot wait for that day to come cos i think i'll leave before it ever happens!
• cant my smaller bosses be on time with their reports & give me what i want without 101 excuses that make me want to holler "i dont give a hoot! just give me the damn reports dammit!!" kalau your underlings lambat, pandai je nak marah. now, practice what you preach! i cannot wait for you to get scolded by the biggest boss!
• cant my japanese shareholders stop calling for every little thing? pakai email boleh tak? kan this is an IT company? ishkkk... i cannot wait for you to get out of the company!!

disclaimer: all rantings exclude my son.

management by body language

i have a boss. who is a guy. an old datuk. who is a real piece of work. here are some comments that he has either made or often makes:

1. from his body language, something is wrong with him / dia not happy here / dia on drugs. i tengok dia, macam abnormal sikit. you all better monitor him. theres something wrong, i dont know what, jangan tanya i apa dia... but ada yang tak kena dengan orang ni. wow, i see you got a masters in reading body language sir!
2. kalau you temp / contract staff, buat lah macam tak ada duit. hisap rokok kena lah dengan your status. jangan lah buang sebelum rokok tu habis. kena lah hisap sampai habis sebab you sepatutnya tak ada duit, sebab tu you temp / contract staff. wtf...
3. orang muda-muda ni pakai kereta mewah buat apa? nanti rosak, you dont know what to do. err call aam? call a mechanic? what... if kereta murah & rosak means he WOULD know what to do is it?
4. you all ni, living outside of your means. tak cukup ke duit yang company bagi? yes tak cukup. not when one person also does 3 other people's jobs cos you're too cheap to employ 3 other people.
5. saya tak kedekut. you memang kedekutttt.
6. saya bukan dictator. i dont make decisions alone. kita ada committee. you are a communist. your committee members all disagree with you but you insist on whatever hare-brained idea you have.
7. aaaaahhhh... itu yang dalam kepala saya!! he says this right after someone has finished stating their own ideas. basically, he claims credit for himself right in front of the person who should be getting the credit.
8. i dont know why people think this is a malay company. maybe because 95% of the workforce is malay?
9. we went for recruitment drive at universities but i dont know why the students didnt want to come. maybe because I*B*M was also there & you're too cheap on your marketing budget.
10. tengok tak iklan petrona*s? simple saja & straight to the point. nothing fancy... just very simple but impact is good. i dont know why our marketing team cannot do it. maybe because you're too cheap on your marketing budget & dont believe in hiring professionals to come up with good ads?
11. saya suspicious bila orang ambil mc. sebab mc ni you can buy. sebab tu, i will penalize those who take up more than 1/2 of their yearly mc entitlement. & yes, some people do but the burden of proof is on you. so you call lah doctor tu tanya betul ke, sakit apa ke... if i'm entitled to 14days of mc then you should only penalize me when i've taken 15days & not when i 've only taken 8days. giler kah apa kah?
12. nasib lah (read: so what?)... saya ceo... asshole...
13. this girl just resigned. dia kata dia ikut husband dia pergi overseas. macam-macam... ni mesti kena control by husband dia ni. wtf...
14. if you are sick, you should still be able to come into work. its all in the mind. & so when i have chicken pox & come into the office & pass it onto the others & then ALL of us still come into the office then you have an office full of pox, sitting at our desks, scratching away. bodoh.
15. i have a right to making my own observations & perceptions (of the world). & the world has the same right to make our perception of you.
16. this was said to me when i told him i was getting married: your religion ni, you have to be careful when you get married. because tak boleh kahwin more than 1. so, if your husband ada illegitimate children, they dont have a claim on his estate. & you say this to me, his legal wife who will bear his legitimate children whyyy? what a doomsayer kannn...
17. & this was said to me when i told him i was pregnant: we have no say in what we get. you might get anak yang cacat. hmm... he thinks that he can make such comments because he does have a special child. ya fine but come on... its not something that a mother-to-be wants to hear isit. if it happens then ok, boleh lah you give your advice about how we dont have a choice in this matter etc. right?
18. this is the latest and the bestest: for bonus this year, we have decided to penalize those who went on maternity leave. because being pregnant & having children is a punishable act of crime therefore i am penalized isit? because you are not in the office for 2 months orang lain yang buat kerja tu. fine, so will you give the money you take from me to my colleague yang take over my work? i doubt it. no, we didnt make this decision based on gender. it was based on non-performance for 2months. doesnt matter what your intentions were but after all is said & done, only women get penalized. doesnt matter if you still work from home in the 2months, we cannot split hair so much cos if not, this will never end. yet when you want to be anal on some things, you can & do but we cant argue this to the death?

there are many, many more things that he has said & done that has offended & annoyed. i cannot wait for him to go, if he ever does go. so i guess i'm gonna have to. better get cracking on my cv...

i have a bone to pick with you

1. If you’re not ready to get off your butt to do something different to what you’ve been doing all this time, don’t complain about your lot in life.
2. When you feel like whining, think about what you do have and start counting your blessings.
3. When you open your mouth to bitch about others, think about what you are.
4. Before you call someone a hypocrite, ask yourself if you’re a saint.
5. If you feel that life or God is being unfair to you, why blame others or rain on their parade? Go take it up to the heavens. AND please, let other people rejoice without feeling guilty about you.
6. When you want something, ask yourself, am I doing what’s right to get there?
7. If you don’t want to help yourself, don’t expect others to do it for you.
8. Get your priorities straight.
9. Walk the talk.
10. When you think you have a right, others have the same right too.
11. Stay away from people who don’t bring value to your life.
12. Don't be a parasite and get rid of yours.
13. Just because someone treats you badly, doesn’t mean that you have to stoop to the same level.
14. KARMA. Call someone a dog and risk turning into one in the next life. So watch it.
15. Blame is always two-ways. Own up to your contribution to the problem.
16. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
17. Smile people smile!!
18. GROW UP!
19. Think of someone other than yourself for a change.
20. When you must get your way all the time, don't think it's being assertive. Some might call it being a spoilt brat.