management by body language

i have a boss. who is a guy. an old datuk. who is a real piece of work. here are some comments that he has either made or often makes:

1. from his body language, something is wrong with him / dia not happy here / dia on drugs. i tengok dia, macam abnormal sikit. you all better monitor him. theres something wrong, i dont know what, jangan tanya i apa dia... but ada yang tak kena dengan orang ni. wow, i see you got a masters in reading body language sir!
2. kalau you temp / contract staff, buat lah macam tak ada duit. hisap rokok kena lah dengan your status. jangan lah buang sebelum rokok tu habis. kena lah hisap sampai habis sebab you sepatutnya tak ada duit, sebab tu you temp / contract staff. wtf...
3. orang muda-muda ni pakai kereta mewah buat apa? nanti rosak, you dont know what to do. err call aam? call a mechanic? what... if kereta murah & rosak means he WOULD know what to do is it?
4. you all ni, living outside of your means. tak cukup ke duit yang company bagi? yes tak cukup. not when one person also does 3 other people's jobs cos you're too cheap to employ 3 other people.
5. saya tak kedekut. you memang kedekutttt.
6. saya bukan dictator. i dont make decisions alone. kita ada committee. you are a communist. your committee members all disagree with you but you insist on whatever hare-brained idea you have.
7. aaaaahhhh... itu yang dalam kepala saya!! he says this right after someone has finished stating their own ideas. basically, he claims credit for himself right in front of the person who should be getting the credit.
8. i dont know why people think this is a malay company. maybe because 95% of the workforce is malay?
9. we went for recruitment drive at universities but i dont know why the students didnt want to come. maybe because I*B*M was also there & you're too cheap on your marketing budget.
10. tengok tak iklan petrona*s? simple saja & straight to the point. nothing fancy... just very simple but impact is good. i dont know why our marketing team cannot do it. maybe because you're too cheap on your marketing budget & dont believe in hiring professionals to come up with good ads?
11. saya suspicious bila orang ambil mc. sebab mc ni you can buy. sebab tu, i will penalize those who take up more than 1/2 of their yearly mc entitlement. & yes, some people do but the burden of proof is on you. so you call lah doctor tu tanya betul ke, sakit apa ke... if i'm entitled to 14days of mc then you should only penalize me when i've taken 15days & not when i 've only taken 8days. giler kah apa kah?
12. nasib lah (read: so what?)... saya ceo... asshole...
13. this girl just resigned. dia kata dia ikut husband dia pergi overseas. macam-macam... ni mesti kena control by husband dia ni. wtf...
14. if you are sick, you should still be able to come into work. its all in the mind. & so when i have chicken pox & come into the office & pass it onto the others & then ALL of us still come into the office then you have an office full of pox, sitting at our desks, scratching away. bodoh.
15. i have a right to making my own observations & perceptions (of the world). & the world has the same right to make our perception of you.
16. this was said to me when i told him i was getting married: your religion ni, you have to be careful when you get married. because tak boleh kahwin more than 1. so, if your husband ada illegitimate children, they dont have a claim on his estate. & you say this to me, his legal wife who will bear his legitimate children whyyy? what a doomsayer kannn...
17. & this was said to me when i told him i was pregnant: we have no say in what we get. you might get anak yang cacat. hmm... he thinks that he can make such comments because he does have a special child. ya fine but come on... its not something that a mother-to-be wants to hear isit. if it happens then ok, boleh lah you give your advice about how we dont have a choice in this matter etc. right?
18. this is the latest and the bestest: for bonus this year, we have decided to penalize those who went on maternity leave. because being pregnant & having children is a punishable act of crime therefore i am penalized isit? because you are not in the office for 2 months orang lain yang buat kerja tu. fine, so will you give the money you take from me to my colleague yang take over my work? i doubt it. no, we didnt make this decision based on gender. it was based on non-performance for 2months. doesnt matter what your intentions were but after all is said & done, only women get penalized. doesnt matter if you still work from home in the 2months, we cannot split hair so much cos if not, this will never end. yet when you want to be anal on some things, you can & do but we cant argue this to the death?

there are many, many more things that he has said & done that has offended & annoyed. i cannot wait for him to go, if he ever does go. so i guess i'm gonna have to. better get cracking on my cv...