life review - a short one

31 soon

• you know when they say age is just a number? yeah well, thats how i feel about it. i dont really feel old. actually its more like i didnt realize i was so old haha. the wrinkles havent yet made an appearance. or maybe i just havent been paying attention. i dont see much difference physically. disposition-wise, ahhh... thats another thing. i'm more comfortable with who i am now. although i would neuter the temper & impatience if i could. & no, i dont think perpetually blaming it on hormones solves anything. thats just like stating the problem but not thinking of a solution izenit. a friend's mom once said to her: careful with your temper. people have killed due to hot-temperedness. a wise woman this woman who is mother to my friend. luckily, since i've been pregnant, the temper has toned down some-what. anyhoo, i still bitch a lot. comes with age i suppose --this devil-may-care attitude --bodoh. the older you get, 2 things can happen as i see it: ONE, you tell yourself that you are who you are and family/friends should learn to accept you so you tend to indulge in your every whim and forget about self-censorship. TWO, you grow wiser with age and tell yourself to stop acting like a brat. sighhh... i'm somewhere in the middle i think. in my case its not a matter of the head vs the heart. its more of the head vs the mouth i.e. the otak pandai but the mulut tends to run away...

married & never happier with my relationship with the husband

• and thats what makes my relationship with the husband better. HE grew wiser with age... hehehe. see, hes got no problem keeping quiet (#2) while i rant & rave (#1). the lovely soul. we laugh a lot more now. guffaw more like it. laugh till the cheeks hurt. sampai sakit perut. hes smarter now too. when i merajuk (unreasonably), he doesnt pujuk me (to my utter dismay) & that forces me to humble myself, admit my mistake & apologize. hes also smarter in that, when i'm mad at him with good reason, he just does as hes told. the relationship is far from perfect & many times i watch movies where the guy is so romance & i wish the husband would be just like mr movie-guy. THEN, i turn to the husband and insist he give me a kiss/buy me flowers/hold my hand/look into my eyes/say the exact same thing mr movie-guy just said. hey, you dont ask you dont get right. & it works for us. buat apa i mau nangis-nangis tunggu dia romance me hor? ok lah, sometimes he does things that touch the very essence of my soul like wash the dishes, make me breakfast, buy me a dvd box set for the charmed ones. boleh lah. i dont need much.

pregnant & anticipating baby's arrival happiness + anxiety

• yes, i'm 5.5 months preggers with an heir to the husband's throne i.e. the throne being the toilet seat. the baby is well & i've started feeling his kicks/punches/stretches/farts (i cant tell what they are actually). i'm having an easy pregnany so far, thank the Lord. we're very happy & excited yadayadayada... i've started feeling anxious although i'm not sure about what exactly. probably just bcos this is a big, life-altering occurance. probably bcos my tummy is growing & my face is rounder. probably bcos i cant wear my 4-inch heels anymore. probably bcos i cant fit into vogue clothes either. whatever lah.

working in the same company for 5years --ready for a change

• yes, 5years. & yes, i'm ready for a change but i think i'll defer any job change till next year (thats what i say every year). kena update resume tu yang malas.

too lazy to update so here are pictures

as you come to my front door & ring the bell (or bang the padlock against the grill which is more effective cos the doorbell doesnt work) you'll be gaily greeted by my christmas wreath which is placed strategically over my peephole. so i can see you & you may not even know it! careful, dont be digging your nose!!

as you enter my humble abode, you'll see our christmas tree.

here without presents;

and here with presents galore.

and this is one of the christmas stocking hanging over my mantelpiece (ok lah, no mantelpiece so its hanging underneath my tv supported by the cabinet doors. everytime we open the doors, it falls off.)

here are the happy faces of the niece & nephew. can't you see, they're just brimming with joy. & they told me "aunty, my cup runneth over." NOT. hihihi...

heres my gift from the husband who calls himself King Leonidas. ptoooiii!!

& heres my gift to him all wrapped with ribbons.

this is one of the little people on new year's eve. liliputians.

new family, new traditions?

around this time of the year of every year, i start thinking & anticipating for christmas. i know i know, it’s still so very far away. we’ve barely gone past raya & deepavali yet. but i’m impatient. maybe this anticipation is triggered by seeing other people preparing for their own festivities. religion aside, festive feelings are festive feelings. the excitement, the anticipation. the warm feelings of spending an important occassion with loved ones.

this year will be my first year celebrating christmas as a married woman. i wonder what sort of traditions the husband & i will have for ourselves. obviously he’ll want a bit of his own & vice versa.

his traditions
- decorate home with christmas decorations
- set up nativity set / crib (i dont hv this)
- put up christmas tree & place wrapped presents underneath
- attend mass on christmas eve night
- serve a meal of beef stew & bread at home after mass on christmas eve (i dont hv this)
- serve fruit cake & home made wine for guests (i dont hv this)
- leave for a 2 to 3-day holiday with his entire extended family (about 30pax) on christmas day (i dont hv this)
- they don’t really have a set time / day to open presents

my traditions
- travel back to my childhood home in sabah few days before christmas eve
- decorate home & garden with fairy lights & christmas decorations
- put up christmas tree & place wrapped presents underneath
- attend mass on christmas eve night
- head on to a hotel / fancy restaurant for a nuclear family dinner
- head home in time for midnight, sit in the living room in front of the christmas tree, wish everyone merry christmas & exchange gifts
- hold a christmas open house or visit relatives for the remainder of the season

not that much different yeah? so i guess it shouldn’t be too much of an issue… & we’ve agreed to alternate between spending christmas with his family & with my family every year. but i think i’ll want to also add in the option of spending christmas in our own home too.

2007 - the husband’s family (usually means traveling some place with his aunts, uncles & cousins too)
2008 - my family (usually means going back to sabah)
2009 - in our home (here in kl)
2010 - the husband’s family
2011 - my family
2012 - in our home
and so on & so forth…

why the 3rd option (of spending christmas in our own home)? well, when we have children, i’d want my kids to be able to have the same nostalgic memories i still have about spending christmas with my nuclear family as well. so i guess it’s a good balance no? its certainly a fair one to alternate our christmas celebrations this way --so neither side of the in-laws feel slighted. of course on those christmases which we plan to spend in our own home, either side of the in-laws are more than welcome to spend christmas with us if they choose to.

i remember when i was much much younger, my sisters who are 7 & 6 years older to moi respectively (old farts) used to bake butter cookies & pineapple tarts & shortbread cookies & chocolate chip cookies & the house would smell larvely. then ah, i used to go into my mum’s room, put on a cassette (yes yes, not a cd) of christmas carols & sing at the top of my voice in the dark. sing till i was hoarse. sing till someone screamed at me to shut the hell up. hihihi…

of course there were the christmas decorations. one year, my parents got a set of these tree decorations of santa clauses with sacks on their backs. like a real sack which can be opened up. of course its small lah. but enough to put in maybe 2-3 candies inside. so anyhow, that year, we placed gula-gula susu (with the blue & white wrappers) in these mini sacks. you know the sweets that basically taste like chewy condensed milk. needless to say, the ants had a very merry christmas themselves that year. also during christmas, we’ll sometimes get pretty shiny christmas crackers & boy did i love those.

i love my trips down memory lane & i want my kids to have the same thing. not necessarily an exact replica of my own experiences but i want them to have their own memories of spending christmas in their childhood home as they grow.

anyways, i’m already thinking on how to decorate our home for christmas. at the moment, although the apartment is far from spartan, it’s still not very personally homely as yet. i want my home to look cozy & warm. gotta work on that now.

memoirs of a bridezilla...

i feel i should write a little about my wedding experience. you know, to memorialize it or something. while it's still fresh in the mind right. afterall, it's barely been 2months. this is like a diary afterall izenit? however, i feel kinda malas. but i guess one must do what one must ;-p. does this mean that the wedding day wasnt such a memorable one for me?

well...

to be honest, in the month prior to the wedding, i was (surprise surprise!) so stressed that i couldnt wait for it to be over. the wedding event itself, i mean. i had my family come in from sabah & they required entertaining --mestilah kan. they come all the way for my wedding, takkan i dont entertain them at all right? i had my issues with the bank people regarding my homeloan (people, do NOT go for hongleong bank. theyre shit.) i was moving into my marital home all by my lonesome because the then half-husband was away in another country altogether. the long distance relationship woes weren't helping much either.

note: he was a half-husband because we had our civil wedding much earlier to the church wedding but as Catholics, we're not really considered married if the church ceremony hasnt taken place yet. so that made my legal marriage only half-a-marriage.

thinking back, of course the stress was self-imposed because i'm one of those who believe "if you want to get it right, do it yourself babe". so anal hor? serves me right.

so, on the wedding day itself, i was actually still in "project manager" mode. in hindsight, it was quite funny. i didnt have time to do my nails the day / night before the wedding as i was too busy. my MIL had her nails done. my SIL got her hair colored. my mum, sisters & 8-yr old nieces got THEIR hair & nails done early.

but the bride? the bride was a stress-pot. i only went to bed at 3am on the wedding day morning. moi --ms i-have-panda-eyes problems. why? because i was packing for my overnight stay at the wedding reception venue. i got up at 9-ish the next morning & made breakfast for my family because on top of everything else, it was so very important for me to also be a good host (i am so stupid). finally, the bridesmaid & i rushed to The Curve to get my nails done & she, her hair. the salon people asked me "huh?? you're the bride? what are you STILL doing here??" needless to say, i was running late & my make-up lady had to wait for 30mins so that the bride could sneak in a shower before putting on the wedding dress... tsk tsk...

well, i couldnt very well be a stinky-poo of a bride now, could i?

i was chewing on a sausage (easy to eat mah --its like drinking with a straw when you have lipstick on) even after the war paint was on because in all the wedding planning articles i'd read, the bride must have something to eat lest she pengsan & makes a fool of herself. i was even carrying my own handbag as i walked out of my bedroom in my wedding dress & veil. NOT my bouquet but my handbag. why? because everything i needed was in there. on the way to church, i had calls from the hotel people regarding last-minute mess-ups. I HAD TO TELL THE DRIVER TO TURN BACK BECAUSE I, THE BRIDE, FORGOT THE WEDDING RINGS!!!

during the church ceremony, my mind was churning with event management thoughts that it didnt hit me that i was actually exchanging life-long vows with a man who i would sleep with & wake up to for the rest of my life. heh. ok so, the answer to my own question: was my wedding day memorable for me?

yes. of course.

but not just in the romantic-gushy-soppy way that i imagine people expect it ought to be. i'll also remember it for all the things that make it a funny story to tell my grandkids:

"little tykes, listen up. your grandmere was GORJES on her wedding day. ya ok so they were fake lashes. so what? shut up & listen to me. as gorjes as i was, it doesnt make me infallible. thats the moral of the story here. your gorjes but infallible grandmere made the mistake of thinking that she was Superwoman. eh? you dunno who is Superwoman? howsabout Wonderwoman? no? ehhh??? wtf... WHO IS GAS GIRL?? kiddos, you sure have canggih-fied superheroes these days. anyways, back in the day, me your grandmamere who was pretty vogue even then, made the mistake of thinking i could do ALL. like an octopus you know --tentacles everywhere. no wonder lah your grandpops calls me bossy. i forgot that the wedding rings were to be entrusted to the bestman & NOT to the bride. ooops. hihihi. my bad."

note: i reckon at 85, i'll still be laughing my "hihihi".
or maybe more like this: hihi*cough*hi*farttt*hihihi*gassspppp*hihihi*kyiok*

of course lah i'll remember my wedding day. how else can i claim my anniversary treats from the husband then?? kidding lah. i know lah it's a special day. this entry is for when i'm senile & can't remember the details (hmm, but when im senile, i wont remember how to get to this blog hor?)

anyhow, yes, i know its a special day. even if i didnt at the time because i was too busy being, well, busy. so, realizing this, the husband & i actually did a re-enactment of the vows. hehehe. one night, about a month after the wedding, after revising & memorizing & coaching each other on our marital vows (we are thespians at heart), we whipped out our trusty canon, perched it on the bed's headrest & recorded ourselves exchanging our vows again. i had tears in my eyes even as i was holding my laughter in. sighs.

so, a word to the wise i.e. soon-to-be brides: DELEGATE. afterall, sharing is caring!

note: kononnya malas want to write. but true to my verbal-diarrhea self, once i started, i could stop.