life review - a short one

31 soon

• you know when they say age is just a number? yeah well, thats how i feel about it. i dont really feel old. actually its more like i didnt realize i was so old haha. the wrinkles havent yet made an appearance. or maybe i just havent been paying attention. i dont see much difference physically. disposition-wise, ahhh... thats another thing. i'm more comfortable with who i am now. although i would neuter the temper & impatience if i could. & no, i dont think perpetually blaming it on hormones solves anything. thats just like stating the problem but not thinking of a solution izenit. a friend's mom once said to her: careful with your temper. people have killed due to hot-temperedness. a wise woman this woman who is mother to my friend. luckily, since i've been pregnant, the temper has toned down some-what. anyhoo, i still bitch a lot. comes with age i suppose --this devil-may-care attitude --bodoh. the older you get, 2 things can happen as i see it: ONE, you tell yourself that you are who you are and family/friends should learn to accept you so you tend to indulge in your every whim and forget about self-censorship. TWO, you grow wiser with age and tell yourself to stop acting like a brat. sighhh... i'm somewhere in the middle i think. in my case its not a matter of the head vs the heart. its more of the head vs the mouth i.e. the otak pandai but the mulut tends to run away...

married & never happier with my relationship with the husband

• and thats what makes my relationship with the husband better. HE grew wiser with age... hehehe. see, hes got no problem keeping quiet (#2) while i rant & rave (#1). the lovely soul. we laugh a lot more now. guffaw more like it. laugh till the cheeks hurt. sampai sakit perut. hes smarter now too. when i merajuk (unreasonably), he doesnt pujuk me (to my utter dismay) & that forces me to humble myself, admit my mistake & apologize. hes also smarter in that, when i'm mad at him with good reason, he just does as hes told. the relationship is far from perfect & many times i watch movies where the guy is so romance & i wish the husband would be just like mr movie-guy. THEN, i turn to the husband and insist he give me a kiss/buy me flowers/hold my hand/look into my eyes/say the exact same thing mr movie-guy just said. hey, you dont ask you dont get right. & it works for us. buat apa i mau nangis-nangis tunggu dia romance me hor? ok lah, sometimes he does things that touch the very essence of my soul like wash the dishes, make me breakfast, buy me a dvd box set for the charmed ones. boleh lah. i dont need much.

pregnant & anticipating baby's arrival happiness + anxiety

• yes, i'm 5.5 months preggers with an heir to the husband's throne i.e. the throne being the toilet seat. the baby is well & i've started feeling his kicks/punches/stretches/farts (i cant tell what they are actually). i'm having an easy pregnany so far, thank the Lord. we're very happy & excited yadayadayada... i've started feeling anxious although i'm not sure about what exactly. probably just bcos this is a big, life-altering occurance. probably bcos my tummy is growing & my face is rounder. probably bcos i cant wear my 4-inch heels anymore. probably bcos i cant fit into vogue clothes either. whatever lah.

working in the same company for 5years --ready for a change

• yes, 5years. & yes, i'm ready for a change but i think i'll defer any job change till next year (thats what i say every year). kena update resume tu yang malas.